I consider myself to have quite a well-rounded background of childcare; I was a babysitter for my summers when I wasn't old enough to have a job, I volunteered at my church for childcare up until I was in middle school. I was a camp counselor at a day care in Lexington a few years back which transitioned to after-school coordinator when the summer was over. I was living with a boyfriend and his parents who's sister was a drug addict. She had two precious kids who were being neglected and forgotten because of their mother's bad drug habits. The state finally intervened and gave primary custody to my boyfriend at the time's parents. Helping out with the kids came with the territory of living in the same house. But it became much more than just helping. My role was quickly changed from mere "helper" to role model, teacher, disciplinary, maid, confidant and friend. This investment in their lives continued for a couple of years till their mom got her life turned around and has now become a great mother.
I am now a proud Didi (Aunt) to my sister's beautiful 3 year old daughter. She is freakin amazing. When she was a newborn, my sister and her husband were also battling drug addiction. It took a while (too long in my opinion) before they both realized they had a problem that was affecting their daughter (amongst other things), and they decided to enter a rehab program. Custody of my niece was evenly divided into our family and we all had the honor of watching her grow in ways only parents get to see. My sister and her husband don't have a happily ever after ending, but as for my sister, she is sober, and is the absolute best Mom who is one of my biggest inspirations.
I am also a small group leader for a bunch of 8th grade girls at my church. And my role in their life is also one of great diversity. Therapist, mediator, teacher, counselor, adviser, role model and friend. Its been such an honor leading these girls into fellowship with the Lord, but it can be wearisome keeping up with their busy lives full of boys,school, sports, home life, and all the workings that go on in the world of an teenager.
Lastly, I'll mention my full-time work as an in-home nurse. I am with a client who is from Egypt, lives with his wife, son, daughter in law and 16 month old niece at his son's house. Arabic is their primary language and only his son is fluent in English. Its a complicated situation, one that can fabricate a blog of it's own. But nutshell version- my client's son leaves for work in the morning, his wife drives him and stays with him during the day, and I spend all day with my client, his wife, and their granddaughter. It is no easy task.
So I am in essence a caregiver and babysitter at my job.
I get barraged with questions all the time "Do you have kids?" No. "Do you want kids?" No. "How about in the near future?" No. "One day?"Ummm...maybe.
And my responses certainly are not because I dislike kids. I enjoy them very much and they are a delight to be around ( most of the time). I respond to these questions as so because I feel like I've had my fair share of parenting without even being a legit parent.
This 18 month old little girl who I will refer to as Sara, has given me the hardest time out of all the kids on my lengthy timeline. When I met her, she had the biggest smile and a cute innocent personality. Months later, she still has a gorgeous smile, but is the polar opposite of innocent. She is like a Tasmanian Devil with a a scream that will make you want to pull the hair out of your head and use it as ear muffs. It is freakin insane. Never in my life have I heard a kid whine,scream,nag, or throw as many fits and tantrums as this chick. And I've carefully investigated and formulated a reason as to why.
She is not being raised. The reigns of her parents have been handed over to her which has given her full authority and rule over everyone and everything in this house. They do not tell her no, they do not let her cry, they do not let her fall down and pick herself back up, they do not have her on any kind of sleep schedule, they do not give her boundaries and do not pay attention to what she does on a daily basis.
Oh but I do, and she has rule and authority over everyone BUT me. Its quite comical because if she is doing something wrong ( lets say for instance sitting in the kitchen with a pack of crayons drawing on the tile floor-true story) as soon as I walk over, she will let go of the crayon and start BALLING CRYING !! I take it away, tell her no, then go about my business. She would learn very quickly that crying doesn't mean jack to me, and that she could cry all day if she wanted to...but unfortunately her grandma comes over picks her up and gives her cookies to quiet her.
I understand she wants her to stop crying, but the root of the problem is that now when she cries- she thinks she can have whatever she wants ! And if you heard just one of her shrieks that she lets out (say for example she can't get one of her play boxes open- true story) you would want to shut her up too. But its a vicious cycle.
I feel like God tests me and my patience everyday that I am there with her. And its hard because I'm not family, I'm not in a position to punish or discipline, and its been an effort on all of their part to make Sara act the way she does- because she has been sanctioned by all of them.
So I'm left with trying my best to instill manners and behaviors that are acceptable. And my best is limited because it's not just me watching her, I'm accompanied by her grandma who is a complete softy and who doesn't have the energy to raise her granddaughter. Which is completely understandable when shes raised 4 kids herself, and is now wholeheartedly devoted to the care and unconditional provision of her husband.
At the end of the day, I am exhausted and drained...mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm not quite sure how much longer I can just sit back and watch Sara act out the way that she does and to see her Grandma have to watch and provide for her and her husband simultaneously. Maybe I need to confront my client's son and wife, because it's too heavy of a load for her to carry when I'm only in a position of helping her and her husband.
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